Looking to God to Help with Disagreements at Work

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

Ephesians 4:2-3

Disagreements at work are difficult to avoid. Even when you work with people you respect and get along with well, there will be times when you see things differently. You may disagree about how a project should be handled, question a decision made by your manager, or find yourself frustrated by the way a colleague approaches their work. Sometimes the disagreement is small and easily resolved. At other times, it can become personal and begin to affect your relationships and your enjoyment of work.

The question is - what should you do if you disagree with someone at work? We are not called to avoid every disagreement or simply agree with everyone to keep the peace, and so there are times when we need to speak honestly, challenge decisions and stand up for what is right. At the same time, the Bible calls us to be people who are humble, patient, gracious and quick to listen. Handling disagreement well is not about always getting your own way. It is about learning how to disagree without losing sight of how God calls us to treat other people.

Remember that disagreement is not always conflict

It is helpful to recognise that disagreement and conflict are not necessarily the same thing. Two people can have completely different opinions without having a problem with one another.

You might believe that a project should be approached one way while your colleague believes it should be done differently. You may have different priorities or disagree about how a team should use its time. That does not mean that either of you is being difficult or that someone has to be right and the other person wrong.

Sometimes we make disagreements more difficult because we see them as personal. We can begin to think, “they do not respect my opinion” or “they are deliberately making things difficult for me.” Before reaching that conclusion, consider whether you simply have different perspectives.

Healthy workplaces need people who are willing to disagree respectfully, as it means people are thinking and processing tasks differently. You do not need everyone to think exactly like you in order to work well together.

Listen before you respond

One of the simplest ways to handle disagreement well is to listen properly. When someone disagrees with us, it is easy to spend the conversation preparing our response rather than actually listening to what they are saying. We may be thinking about how to prove our point, defend our decision or explain why they are wrong.

Listening does not mean that you have to agree. It simply means that you are willing to understand another person's perspective before responding. Ask questions. Make sure you have understood what they are actually saying. There may be information you have missed or a concern you had not considered.

You may still disagree at the end of the conversation, but listening demonstrates respect and can prevent a disagreement from becoming unnecessarily heated.

Be careful with your tone

Sometimes it is not what we say but how we say it that causes a disagreement to escalate.

A sentence such as “I don't think that's going to work” can be received very differently depending on the tone behind it. If we are frustrated or defensive, our words can sound dismissive even when that was not our intention.

This is particularly important in written communication. Emails and messages do not always communicate tone clearly, and something that seems perfectly reasonable when we write it can sound abrupt or critical when someone else reads it.

Before sending a message when you are frustrated, take a moment to read it again. Is it respectful? Would you speak to the person in the same way if they were sitting in front of you?

Do not make it personal

When disagreements become heated, it can be tempting to move from discussing the issue to criticising the person. For example, instead of saying, “I disagree with your approach,” we might say, “you never listen to anyone,” which makes it much more personal. Making it personal can involve bringing up previous mistakes or questioning someone's character.

Once this happens, the conversation becomes much harder to resolve.

Try to keep the focus on the issue. Explain what you disagree with and why. If there is a genuine problem with someone's behaviour, address that behaviour rather than attacking their character. You can be honest about a problem without making someone feel that they are the problem.

Know when to stand your ground

Christianity does not mean that we should avoid disagreement at all costs. There will be times when we need to stand firm.

Perhaps you have been asked to do something that you believe is dishonest. Maybe a colleague is being treated unfairly, or you have concerns about a decision that could negatively affect other people. There may be situations where staying silent simply because you want to avoid conflict is not the right response.

The challenge is to know the difference between standing up for something that genuinely matters and insisting on getting your own way. There is a difference between conviction and pride, and learning to recognise that difference takes honesty and humility.

Be willing to admit when you are wrong

One of the hardest things about disagreement is admitting that we might be wrong.

We can become so focused on defending our position that changing our mind feels like losing. But admitting that you made a mistake is not a sign of weakness. It can demonstrate maturity, humility and confidence.

Perhaps someone raises a point you had not considered. Maybe you misunderstood the situation or made a decision without having all the information. If you realise that you were wrong, be willing to say so.

A simple “I hadn't considered that” or “I think you are right” can completely change the tone of a conversation.

We do not need to protect an image of always being right, and should be humble enough to admit when we are wrong. Our identity is secure in Christ, which means we can acknowledge our mistakes without feeling that our worth is threatened.

Do not avoid difficult conversations

Sometimes the desire to keep the peace can actually make a disagreement worse. You may decide not to say anything because you do not want to upset someone. You might keep your frustration to yourself, complain privately to colleagues or hope that the problem will disappear.

Unfortunately, unresolved issues rarely disappear simply because we avoid talking about them.

If something genuinely needs to be addressed, have the courage to start the conversation. Choose an appropriate time and place, and approach the person respectfully.

A difficult conversation does not have to become an argument. Sometimes it is the first step towards understanding.

Know when to walk away

Not every disagreement needs to be resolved immediately, and there may be moments when the wisest thing you can do is step away and return to the conversation when emotions have settled. If you are angry, you may say something that you later regret. Taking some time to think and pray can help you respond rather than react.

There may also be disagreements that you ultimately need to accept will not be resolved. You cannot force someone to understand your perspective, and you cannot control how they respond. Sometimes peace means agreeing to disagree and continuing to treat the other person with respect.

Pray for wisdom

When you are struggling with a disagreement at work, prayer can help you step outside of your own emotions and ask God for wisdom.

Pray before the conversation, not simply afterwards. Ask God to help you listen well, control your emotions and recognise anything you need to take responsibility for. Ask for courage if you need to speak honestly and humility if you need to change your own approach.

You can also pray for the person you disagree with. This can be difficult, particularly when you feel that they have treated you unfairly, but it can change the way you see the situation.

Prayer does not guarantee that the disagreement will disappear, and the other person may continue to disagree with you, but it can help you approach the situation with a different heart.

In summary

Workplaces will always contain different personalities, opinions and ways of doing things. Disagreement is part of working with other people, and avoiding every difficult conversation is neither realistic nor healthy.

We do, however, have an opportunity to approach disagreement differently. We can listen before reacting, speak truthfully without being harsh, admit when we are wrong and stand firm when something genuinely matters. We can choose patience when frustration would be easier and grace when we feel misunderstood.

You will not always agree with your colleagues, and they will not always agree with you. But disagreement does not have to damage a relationship or compromise your Christian values.

The next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation at work, pause before you respond. Ask God for wisdom, listen carefully and consider your own attitude as well as the other person's. You may not be able to control the outcome, but you can choose to handle the disagreement with integrity.

Sometimes the best response is showing that even when you disagree, you can still listen, speak with grace, forgive, remain humble and treat the other person with respect.